The Perfect Description

My fave couple in Soshi: TaeNy.

I found the most perfect description about how you feel when you fall in love with someone. In a fanfic. How awkwardly beautiful.

It's from a YoonYul fanfic called "The Upward Fall". Such beautiful and wonderful phrases. To those who despise and think that fanfics are just people who imagine their idols as couples, I'm sorry, that is the beauty of a fanfic.

Here's the best description ever:

"You've been in love before, right?" she asks me candidly. Of course, I tell her. "Then you know what it's like when you first meet them. You're a mess because your brain and your mouth refuse to cooperate and the person you thought you were is nothing like the person they're changing you into. No one makes you feel as weak and vulnerable as they do and you once thought it'd be the worst possible feeling in the world but instead, it turns out to be the best."

"I watch her speak and become struck with an odd feeling of jealousy. Her description is nothing like anything I have ever experienced and I find myself doubting if I truly have ever loved.

"But that's supposed to pass," she continues. "You're supposed to get over it after a while and get back to normal. I haven't though. I'm still falling for her and I don't know when I'll stop."

"Maybe you're falling upwards, then," I suggest jokingly.

"But she doesn't find it as humorous and nods her head understandingly.

"Maybe."

I just loved that whole description about falling in love with someone for the very first time.

"You're a mess because your brain and your mouth refuse to cooperate and the person you thought you were is nothing like the person they're changing you into. No one makes you feel as weak and vulnerable as they do and you once thought it'd be the worst possible feeling in the world but instead, it turns out to be the best."

How do you top that? How do you? Although I have no experience in love or anything, this is just an epic sentence. I teared up badly after reading that sentence.

THAT IS JUST. GOOD.

Alone.

Today I went out shopping. Alone.
No one was with me, which was quite awkward, since shopping is to be done with a partner or more.
But yeah, I do feel a tad bit free to roam around, get what I want, browse what I feel, eat what I crave for.

It seems usual for me to be alone.
I used to walk alone, drive alone.
Heck, I even stay alone.


I'm starting to feel like a recluse. Don't get me wrong, I like it.
I like it when I stay at home, watching my fave girls. Laughing like there's no tomorrow.
I like it when I walk alone, I feel the breeze, I take in the scenery.
I like it when I eat alone, I savour the food for good.

But,
what I really want is to be with you. I miss you with all my heart.

오랜 세월이 흘러도 영원히 너와 꿈꾸고 싶어
（Even a long time passes, I want to dream forever with you）

I'm sorry.

I don't really know how to react to these situations.
It felt so far beyond my reach, and yet I feel the pain.
I'd wanna come and hold you in my arms. And yet I know I have to let you be alone for a while.

There's nothing much I can express through my words.
All I can do is wish for you to be happy again.

I'm sorry I wasn't there to walk you through this.
I wish I was.

I'll always be here, if you ever need me.
I'll always be here.

If only you'd knew I was always here.

Jesse

Yesterday marked a really sad day for me, for the family, for all who knew Jesse.

She was a joy to our lives. She was the one who comforted me even though she couldn't understand me.

Today,

When I woke up.

There was nobody to talk to.

There was no loud bark.

There was no prancing around, trotting around.

She was gone.

She came to our house 7 years ago, still a baby.

She had a weird face, she was small.

We had tons and tons of fun with her.

One day, my brother decided to make her a character that would be humane.

She became something important in our lives.

We took thousands and thousands of photos, videos.

She was a STAR.

I couldn't bear myself to tell you what happened last night.

Maybe it was something I told her. Maybe it was me who didn't look after her.

Maybe it was really Ti Gong who really loved her, asked her to be with Ti Gong.

She was so cute when she sat down in front of the praying table, as if she was kneeling down, praying.

I miss her.

I miss her loud, high pitched, yet funny bark.

I miss her selfishness to the fact she will gobble everything up, not wanting to share food with others.

I miss her fetishes for cloth and cushion. She would sit and sleep in comfy cushions all day long.

I miss her funny, paper thin tongue. She would lick us if we had food on our fingers, she would lick our lips. Just like a cute baby.

I miss her fur. He warm fuzzy fur. Her funny mullet fur around the neck. She loved us stroking her for hours.

I miss her bendy legs. I could never teach her to give me a handshake.

I miss her big brown eyes. She would tear up anytime.

I miss her non-extensive tail. Short yet I see her wagging vigorously everytime we opened the door to give her some food.

I miss her so much, it hurts inside so badly.

I hate getting a pet because I would be so emotionally attached to them.

But now, Jesse has become so important in everyone’s lives.

Everyone loved her.

To whom has read this, please say a little prayer for her.

No matter you’re a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Taoist, a Hindu, a Sikh, a Catholic, a Christian, atheist, etc.

So a little prayer for her.

She was hurting when she left.

Make her comfortable up there. Make her happy up there.

She deserves the best.

If she was reincarnated, I wish she was a person.

I would be her best friend. I would take care of her.

R.I.P Jesse Goh.

Aged 7 dog years.

Passed away 1.30am on 22^nd February 2010.

Which one would you choose?

This?



Abit biased coz this trailer doesn't show much on LA.

Let them tell you how it is about LA.





Which one would you choose?

New Year's

Whatta year it was for me.
I was nothing in 2009.
I went from something to nothing in 2009.
Everyone I knew was moving ahead, I was stuck without any help at all.

I travelled to a place.
I did a multi-million project.
I became closer to my family.
I searched for a way to survive.
I took a year off.


Then 2010 came. I was browsing through everyone's Facebook status, and all I saw was people whom I knew that they couldn't even bother about caring for others, people who think they are content with their perfect lives, people who don't give a f*** about me. They were lamenting, cursing, worrying, groaning about the lives that they have right now.

What do they know?

I couldn't help but SMILE. I felt I was in a good position right now. I have a job offer which I'm still contemplating, an interview, a dream job coming soon. And I've grown closer to a person whom I still care deeply for.

I LAUGHED at those silly people.

Why did you think you could be happy and yet grumble about your work?
Why did you think you could buy nice things for your 'friends', just to make them stay as your friends?
Why are you complaining about a job that you have that pays well?
What kind of dreams that you have anyway?

I scoffed. I used to think I have a dream job. But unfortunately I have to let go of it. I knew I wasn't confident enough, and I don't have that talent at all. Luckily, another door opened for me. I hope I'll get it.



I know 2010 is my time. And I know I will step on those who have ridiculed, looked down on me.
Do not think that you reign over me by just having what I use to have. You may have friends whom you lavish great gifts, have nice parties, socialize like a butterfly, and yet you are always the one who I look down.

I felt really good reading those status updates. I couldn't say taking a year off was my best option, but I think it did me well.

Christmas Woes

I have to say this year is the WORST EVER Christmas I've ever had.
No celebrations. Not even a dinner. Not even a nice meal. Nothing.

Too bad the man of the hour goes to someone I'm related.
This year has been my worse year. "Nothingness" can be used to describe my year.

Have a Merry X'mas to the fortunate ones.